Byakuya's House
by Rukuya
Summary: When Byakuya has a little "get-together" at his house, and weird things happens. But his chairs are nice! Why don't you come and visit him along with Rukia, Rangiku, and Shunsui!


**Byakuya's House**

**By: ByaRukifan & Genostar10**

**Big Thanks To Geno For Helping Me With This. ^_^**

**This Story Is Based Off Of Vermilion Pleasure Night: "Cathy's House"**

**Disclaimer: I Do NOT Own Any Of The Characters Used In This Crack Fic...**

_**NO FLAMING, NO FLAMING, NO FLAMING, NO FLAMING, NO FLAMING, NO FLAMING**_

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(Byakuya, with a creepy smile on his face, hovers into the epitome of a normal '60's kitchen wearing an old-fashioned dress)

Byakuya: (girly voice) Dinga-linga-linga-linga! (Faces audience and speaks without mouth moving, still with the creepy smile) Hi! My name is Beaky! (spreads arms out in a welcoming gesture) Nice to meet you! This is my house! (hovers face first into his kitchen window) Isn't it nice!? (randomly appears near the kitchen table) These tables and chairs are so lovely, aren't they? (picks up chair and gestures it to the audience) They're my treasures! (Chair is somehow magically on the ground and raises arms in the air with a giant smile) So I'm going to take good care of them! (hops into the wall with giant smile) Let me say how nice it is to meet all of you! FYI! I'm living in this house with Rukia! (calls to Rukia) Rukia! Rukia!

Rukia: (hovers in with body stiff life a barbie doll, just like Byakuya. Also has creepy smile.) Hi! My name's RuuRuu! Pleased to meet you! (arches back)

Byakuya: (Raises hand as to halt Rukia and is leaning over.) Isn't our breakfast ready yet RuuRuu?

Rukia: (faces Byakuya, body still stiff) No, not yet Beaky.

Byakuya: (arms flailing) Ahh! RuuRuu! I'm hungry!

Rukia: (still stiff and stares at flailing Beaky) I'll fix it in a minute Beaky. Here you are Beaky! (food magically appears one by one on the table.) Breakfast is served Beaky!

Byakuya: (is seated on the kitchen chair; leans body over with arms in the air) Yay! (Starts thrusting torso forward into the table) RuuRuu! It looks delicious!! Say grace!

Rukia and Byakuya: GRACE!! (bows down once and comes back up)

Rukia: Beaky! (leans backwards) I need to go to the loo!

Byakuya: (shakes arm up and down and looks at Rukia) You can't RuuRuu! It's rude to go to the loo when we're eating! (pats Rukia on back)

Rukia: (bobbing back and forward from being patted.) I can't hold it Beaky! Please! Let me go!

Byakuya: (holds arm out as if to half Rukia) No! You can't!

Rukia: I'll stand up and kick you! Take this! (stands up and kicks he chair into Byakuya)

Byakuya: ...Ouch! (stands up) Why did you do that to me RuuRuu? (lifts up clean-shaven leg) You hurt my beautiful, precious leg! (lifts up chair and gestures it to the audience) And you damaged my beautiful chair...!

Rukia: (bows) I'm sorry Beaky! (leans back up with one arm in the air) I was too impetuous!

Byakuya: (arms flailing and leaning torso forward and back in quick succession) I can't forgive you for this! Take this! (slaps Rukia)

Rukia: How could you do this me? You're cruel! Take this! (slaps Byakuya)

Byakuya: Take this and this! (begins hitting Rukia)

Rukia: Conk! Conk! Conk! (flailing arms forward at Byakuya)

Byakuya: Punch! PunchPunch! PunchPunchPunch! Punch! Punch! (flailing at Rukia)

Rukia: Chop! Chop! ChopChopChop!

Byakuya and Rukia: (arms in the air and fall backwards onto the ground) Dahhh! (lay there)

(hours later...)

(Byakuya and Rukia are still motionless on the floor with their eyes closed)

Byakuya: (opens eyes wide and smiles really big) Hi RuuRuu! You're late today!

Rukia: (opens eyes and grins) I was doing some shopping Beaky!

Byakuya: Isn't our dinner ready yet!?

Rukia: (leans up and turns head slightly to the left and has a slightly confused look) I'm sorry I was late. I'll go fix it right now!

Byakuya: (back and head to the floor, arms flailing while scraping the floor. torso moves left and right rapidly) Please! Hurry! I'm hungry! Cook fast! Get a move on!

Rukia: (raises arms up in disapproval) You're always hungry Beaky!

Byakuya: (head magically appears on the table and stares at Rukia with a gawking smile, eyes oddly wide)

Rukia: (arms flailing) I'll arrest if you don't behave! I will!

Byakuya: (surprised and mouth open) Ahhh! RuuRuu, why are you arresting me!?

Rukia: (grabs Byakuya's hand and stares at Byakuya, places handcuffs on Byakuya's hand) YOU'RE GOING DOWNTOWN!

Byakuya: (flailing, torso bent over) I'm innocent! I haven't done anything!

Rukia: Sit down!

Byakuya: (happily obliges for some odd reason) OKAY! (sits down)

Rukia: (slaps Byakuya) BAM!

Byakuya: (still smiling) Ahhh!

Rukia: (is hitting Byakuya) BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!

Byakuya: Stop that RuuRuu! (becomes astonished) Oh! We're going to have some guests today!

Rukia: (pariphially views Byakuya) Really? Who's coming?

Byakuya: (pariphially views Rukia with mischievious smile) It's a secret.

Rukia: (begins choking Byakuya)

Byakuya: (still smiling)

Rukia: C'mon! TELL ME BEAKY!

Door Bell: PING PONG!

Shunsui: (hovers in, wearing a dress, also smiling weirdly like Byakuya and Rukia) Hello! My name is Shunsui! (puts arm out for someone to shake it, no one shakes it) Nice to meet you! I'm so happy! Are you happy!?

Rukia: (stops choking Byakuya and looks at Shunsui astonished) Wow! Shunsui! (shakes arm up and down not making contact with Shunsui) Long time, no see! How are you?! Lovely house, isn't it!?

Shunsui: (gestures to kitchen with giant smile) Your house is lovely Beaky!

Byakuya: (bouncing up and down in the chair with arms in the air) Yes! It's cool, isn't it?!

Shunsui: (leans completely over and points down at the sake on the table) This liquor is nice!

Byakuya: (begins to vibrate in the chair) I know! I know!

Shunsui: (kicks chair into Byakuya like Rukia did before)

Byakuya: Hey! It turned! (stands up) Why did you do that to me Shunsui? (lifts up leg) You hurt my precious, beautiful leg! (lifts up chair and gestures it to audience) And you damage my beautiful chair! How could you!?

Door Bell: PING PONG!

Matsumoto: Hello! My name is Rangiku! (begins laughing and appearing like shes 'all that') Nice to meet you! Mhmm! Ha-ha!

Byakuya: (puts down chair) Wow! Rangiku! (extends arm to Rangiku as a sign of happiness) Welcome to my house!

Rangiku: (randomly and quickly slaps Byakuya)

Byakuya: Ah! What!? Rangiku!! Take this! (slaps Rangiku)

Rangiku: (begins hitting Shunsui) Conk! Conk! Conk Conk Conk!!

Rukia: (begins hitting Rangiku) DA! DA! DA!

Byakuya: (begins hitting Shunsui) PunchPunchPunchPunchPunchPunch!

(All begin flailing each other and inspirational background music comes in)

(All begin doing a strange choreographed dance)

(All fall down, unconscious. Eyes still open and grins still vibrant)

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**Well...There's Your Crack For The Day.**

**:D**

_**Oh, And For Readers Of My Fic, "Baby Daddy", Do NOT Worry, I Have Not Quit On It.**_

_**I'm Going Through Major Writers Block. I Have A Little Bit Of The Chapter Done, But Not Half Of It Yet. My Friends Are Trying Their Best To Help Me With It. And I Really Thank Them For It.**_

_**Hopefully You All Haven't Quit Reading It. I Promise The Moment I Get The Chapter Done It WILL Be Posted.**_


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